Not one of my better mornings, but then, no morning is a good one, or so it seems on days like today. I don’t know, if it is me, mom, david, or what, but the fight to just survive seems to always be an uphill struggle. It’s hard to be motivated, to stay calm or to even think at times.
It isn’t easy being the main care giver.
I didnt think it would be, but I never, in my darkest moments, thought it would be this tough, this emotionally draining. And yet, it is, and this is just the beginning of what will be. Only a small sample of the future, and I don’t know if I can handle it.
Self doubt is a killer, and I am filled with it, and it’s not Mom’s fault, nor is it David’s either. It rests squarely on my own shoulders, and I wonder, if I have enough strength to change, to adapt, to make it work. My work suffers, my life is empty, and yet, somehow I turn off the alarm clock, and make it upstairs, to begin what seems a hopeless effort.
Is it simply going through the motions? I wonder, and worse, I wonder if I can maintain even that. The pressures are immense, or so they seem, and I question even that. A lot of questions, and very little answers.
The cycle just never ends, does it?
