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Netflix Works

  • Posted on June 9, 2011 at 7:40 pm

With the closing of the local Blockbuster store, we had to scramble to find something to take its place. I mean there really isn’t anything on television that is worth watching, and certainly not much of anything to keep Mom’s focus, so we decided to try Netflix and their free month trial.

Gotta say, I am impressed by how user friendly it is, and the selection really isn’t bad.

Mom is actually enjoying it, and that makes life a wee bit easier for me. No more running out every night to the video store, then spending time searching for something that she might like. Now I just fire up the wife’s laptop, go through the list with her, and click, and presto, she is happy for a couple of hours, and I can actually still work, without being distracted by the flashing of the television, or the loud volume.

Gotta say, it’s a damn good way to spend $8 a month.

I Wonder About God, At Times

  • Posted on May 23, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Sitting, listening to Mom’s laboured breathing, watching her stare off, as if lost in space at times, I wonder about GOD.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe in GOD, and in Heaven, but I still question some of the decisions, he’s made.

I dont understand why he put us here, to let us live and enjoy the world around us. I know a lot of the bad things, just happen. It is life.  Yet, being born, then dying, are things HE has set. It is the chain, but yet, how can anyone who is acclaimed as the Father, allow his children to suffer, in that final moment of life.

Shouldn’t the end be less painful, than it is?  Why is there that final agony, for all to witness, to see? Is it some power trip, or some final way of cleansing?  It just doesn’t make sense to me, as to why someone should live to be 94, and have her remaining days filled with pain, with agony.

I watched Dad suffer, saw him twist and turn in his final hours, until the morphine took over. I saw the pain etched on his face, as he suffered, and there wasn’t a nicer man you could meet. No matter how little we had, he still would share what we had, with those who needed it. He went out of his way to not hurt anyone, yet his final days were spent in pure agony.

And now Mom is starting to have contant pain, constant agony, as her body begins to break down, even more. Her walking is filled with pain, with each step she takes. Her face gets constricted by the sharp pain that jolts her frail body, yet she keeps plodding on. She won’t give in, and yet through her whole life, she gave of herself to whoever asked.

Why does she have to suffer like this? What good does it do GOD to see her this way, to feel her agony, in just getting up. What grand purpose can it serve?

Maybe it is selfish of me, to not want her to suffer. Makes me less adamant about assisted suicide, for those who truly are in utter agony, with no hope of relief. It makes sense, but why does GOD even allow it to happen?   Oh I know all about Free Will, but then if we have the right to choose, why then is suicide such a SIN, in virtually every religion?   Is it not one’s choice, to suffer or not? Why should we not be able to choose otherwise, if we can?

There is so much we don’t understand, but when my time comes, I sure as hell will have a lot of questions for him.

Maybe some will look on this, and call me a heretic, or unbeliever, but in truth, I was taught, to question everything, including HIM. I think in some ways, maybe he too, is still learning, as we are. Just that his learning curve is beyond our comprehension. I don’t know, I wish I did.

Maybe if I did understand, I could help Mom more, in her final time here. Maybe then, I could not feel so helpless, so useless. I don’t know, but damn, I wish I had even a hint.

Why Should We Pay For Old People

  • Posted on March 28, 2011 at 11:02 am

The CBC has a report on the Guaranteed Income Supplement issue.  According to Jack Layton, it is why he refused to support the Harper Government. He wanted $700 Million added, instead of the $300 Million that Harper added.

Honestly, I don’t believe Jack Layton & the NDP defeated the Harper Government, over a $400 Million dollar difference, do you?

In reading the story it seems that the dollar differences really aren’t that huge, which makes me question the accuracy of the figures used.  It states that 5.8% of Seniors live in poverty, but again, what is that level?

Is Mom living in poverty?  I’d have to say NO, but I would also have to say, that without the financial contribution both David & I make, she wouldn’t have the basics.  So I suppose that is indeed living in poverty.

Yet what galls me is two comments, one from a 23 year old and another from some guy who thinks, well, tough titties for those who didn’t save when they could. ( oh yeah, you just know I added my comments to those remarks ) What these comments do, is make me wonder, about the attitudes we have today.

When I was growing up, I was taught that you helped those who didn’t have as much as you. Even if all you had was a loaf of bread, and someone had none, you shared that loaf of bread. I would say, that was the Judao Christian ethic that built this country, or am I wrong?

Whose responsibility is it, to help those who, for whatever reason, are unable to help themselves, such as my Mother?

David & I earn well under $30,000.00 a year. Mom has no private retirement income, no assets even, so whose obligation is it?  I think both David & I do our best, but when your Hydro bill is $300 a month,  your cost for her medications is about $200 for the first six months of the year, who helps when we can’t manage?   And if we are paying for all this, how can we be expected to put aside a nickle for our old age?

It is easy to say, save now, but given the cost of living today, the real issue is… HOW?

We don’t drive a fancy new car, hell our car is a 1982 diesel. Be nice to have a new laundry machine that was energy effecient, but where do I get the $1500 for them?  It isn’t like I can go get a job, because I have to be home, to change her depends a few times each day. I have to be here, to help her to the bathroom, to fix her lunch, dinner. If I don’t, she won’t eat, even if she could get around to fix something.

So whose responsibility is it?   I pour my time, what little I earn, into the household as does my wife, David.  It isn’t fair to him, yet he does it. I mean she is My Mother, not his, but I know if his parents need help, when they are older, we’ll do the same for them. 

You see, that is my obligation, that is my duty, because I am my mother’s son, and my wife’s son in law. It is what we do, it is what should be done, but you know, there are times when you need help. Our old age is screwed, because there isn’t that help now. There wasn’t when they grew up, because back then, the Government told everyone that the CPP would handle it all.   They believed their Government back then, but we know better, don’t we?

I don’t have the answers, I wish I did. I just know that we need a Government that makes some effort to understand our needs. Not the needs of some Corporate Executive, who has two or three houses, who drives a new Lexus every six months. I want a Government that will look at Social Security, and strengthen it, not dismantle it like Mr Harper wants to do.

I want a Government that will support our social programs, not tear them apart.

It is why I know that on May 2nd, I will  VOTE FOR ANYONE BUT HARPER

Being Old Isn’t Cheap

  • Posted on March 25, 2011 at 12:14 pm
This entry is part 10 of 12 in the series Making A Difference

There are days when I wonder how other’s manage.  I am talking about those who live on a fixed income, without outside sources of income. Mom is sort of lucky, because there is David and myself, who pull earn money, that can help supplement the money needed for her care. It isn’t a lot of extra, but is the best we can manage.

I suppose we could live in a cheaper house, but then again, the cost of moving is astronomical. Hell even single bedroom apartments cost a mint these days, never mind one that can house three people & a dog. Can’t move out to the sticks either, because Mom needs to be close to her Doctor, to a pharmacy, to the Hospital.

Kind of hard to not have cable for her to watch, or listen to. I have pared it down too, but still, we need the Internet so I can at least manage some work. Also, it is an ideal way to search for information on drugs she takes, on side effects.  Good way too, to keep informed of Government programs, etc.

I try to manage our food bill, by buying only what we need, and only if it is on sale. Problem is some things like Milk or Bread rarely go on sale.  Then too, how do you provide hot meals that are substantial, if you can’t buy fresh foods. Or fruits, veggies, for that matter. Nor can you exclude them, if you want her to stay healthy.

Hydro of course, is one item I can’t control. Laundry every single day, in hot water, isn’t cheap. Electric heaters can be off, as a chill for her could be deadly. So $300 a month for Hydro is something we have to live with. Course the added water bill is not really controllable either. She needs a shower or wash each day, laundry etc.  So no way to scrimp on those.

Our Doctor is a good one, but we need the pills he prescribes, so like that isn’t an option now is it? And they do cost a pretty penny, mainly due to the way the Campbell Government manages Pharmacare here in BC.  Will Christy Clark do better?  Somehow, I am not optimistic about that. Course the Pharmacy takes a nice whack too, over $12 per prescription.  Mom needs nine ( 9 ) each month, so that alone comes to $108.00 for the first six months of the year.

Thing is, it isn’t going to get any easier, as time goes on. I hate to think what it will cost when I am in my sixties or seventies. Looking at all that Mom has to go through, all that I have to deal with, I seriously am not looking forward to old age, or the burden it would put on David.  Death looks a lot more attractive, than fighting to stay alive.

People Mom’s age shouldn’t have to be worried about choosing between pills, depends, food, or shelter. The $50 sob that Stephen Harper offered in the budget is a slap in the face to Seniors barely existing today. How many can’t afford all of their medications? How many live in hovels, or at the mercy of uncaring relatives or institutions?

How many Seniors sit in soiled depends, because in Care Homes they are limited to how many extra depends a Patient can have, without paying extra. I mean some people pee & poop more than once or twice per day. Mom alone goes through 4 to 5 depends, and in some care facilities, that would be an added $2 to $3 per day.   In other words, $60 to $90 and after they pay for the care, that is about all they have left for their own needs.

So it isn’t an option, is it?  

$50 Mr Harper?  May you never have to rely on a public Care Facility or strangers, because you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

What Do You Say?

  • Posted on March 4, 2011 at 10:53 am

Words do matter, especially with someone old. 

For whatever reason, they seem to fixate on words, and gnaw at them, which makes it a constant struggle for anyone talking to them. Simple words can result in days of needless worry and/or stress.

I wish I knew the right words, to say when Mom asks why she shakes, or why she is so tired. I know it is simply old age, that her body is gradually wearing out, but how do you tell her that?  And it isn’t like she doesn’t know, she does. You can see it in her eyes.

It is like a never ending game of charades.

Both of us pretend, that it is something we can fight & win over, but the truth is, we both know it is a struggle we cannot win. Death is coming, maybe not today, tomorrow, next week month, or even this year. But it is coming closer with each tick of the clock.  We both know it, but we hide, we play the game as if we don’t know.

Something about human beings, that make us think we can cheat death, by ignoring it. It adds stress to us both, which makes me wonder, why we can’t simply accept what will be, and discuss it as we should. 

Is it that we are cowards?

Or is it that by talking about it, we somehow are going to hasten the process? I wish I knew the answers, wish I could open up to her, & her to me, but instead we go about our normal routine, as if she is just struggling with a bad cold. It seems so insane, so unreal, yet we keep on playing the game.

Parkinson’s Disease a Possibility

  • Posted on December 20, 2010 at 4:14 pm

And now it begins, or is it that it is just continuing?

Mom is having some difficulty in controlling her limbs. They simply don’t seem to respond to her mental commands, like they used to. It makes her hesitate in getting up, her ability to grasp the handles of her walker.  Or she’ll suddenly stop in mid stride, her leg shaking, but not moving forward.

It has happened a few times before this weekend, but has become more pronounced, more frequent over the weekend.

It is hard to watch, to see her struggle like that. I don’t know how I’d handle that, but she toughs it all out, uncomplaining, until this weekend. At last it broke through, where she mentioned it, meaning it was something she has been holding back. 

Mom is one of those, silent types. She rarely complains, so that when she does, you know it is serious.  And apparantely it is.  I  emailed our doctor Sunday, and he thinks it could be the onset of Parkinson’s Disease.  ( I believe that is what the actor, Michael Fox, suffers from )

Naturally that scares me, and in looking it up, well the fear didn’t exactly go away.  Thankfully the Doctor is coming to visit Mom today ( Monday ), to evaluate her better and see. Course it also makes life more complicated.

With the inability to walk safely, it means I have to watch closer, be more attentive, plus be behind her everytime she gets up. It means, trips out of the home, have to be shorter, if at all. One doesn’t want her walking on her own, then having a shaking spell, losing her balance, & falling.

Up goes the stress now, even though it isn’t a certainty.

Makes one think about how it will be, when they become old. I am not sure I want to, which sounds defeatist, but there is something to the whole  “quality of life” concept. I am not sure it is worth sticking around, if you are wracked by pain, are immobilized or can’t even control your own bodily actions, like having a bowel movement.

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