Never Ending Cycle
Not one of my better mornings, but then, no morning is a good one, or so it seems on days like today. I don’t know, if it is me, mom, david, or what, but the fight to just survive seems to always be an uphill struggle. It’s hard to be motivated, to stay calm or to even think at times.
It isn’t easy being the main care giver.
I didnt think it would be, but I never, in my darkest moments, thought it would be this tough, this emotionally draining. And yet, it is, and this is just the beginning of what will be. Only a small sample of the future, and I don’t know if I can handle it.
Self doubt is a killer, and I am filled with it, and it’s not Mom’s fault, nor is it David’s either. It rests squarely on my own shoulders, and I wonder, if I have enough strength to change, to adapt, to make it work. My work suffers, my life is empty, and yet, somehow I turn off the alarm clock, and make it upstairs, to begin what seems a hopeless effort.
Is it simply going through the motions? I wonder, and worse, I wonder if I can maintain even that. The pressures are immense, or so they seem, and I question even that. A lot of questions, and very little answers.
The cycle just never ends, does it?
The Little Things
How do they do it?
Caring for an elder parent, with mobility issues, with health issues, on a 24/7 basis is not simple, nor easy. I am finding that I am bound to the house, more and more, and rely on David to do the chores, such as grocery shopping, or even shopping for household items like bleach.
Doing laundry two out of three days, sometimes every day, is a grind, as is checking to make sure there are rubber gloves on hand, swaps for night use, and all that. It piles up, becomes routine, and yet not.
And through all this time, your ear is constantly cocked for any out of the ordinary sign, or break in the routine. You sit and glance over 20 or 30 time per hour, while struggling to complete an online project, or work through some code hiccup.
It isn’t much, but then you resent having to break your routine, to take her to the bathroom, because it means another depend, another dollar lost, and another ten minutes gone. It sounds selfish, when you think about it, and it is. Yet, that is the daily grind, the little things, that test your mettle, that test your resolve.
Yes, it is easier to dump them off at an old folks home, at some retirement place, and it is no wonder either, why so many don’t survive for long in those environments. I can see why, because the feelings of being abandoned must be high, and the care, can never equal that given by someone who loves them.
But it is those little things that defeat one, that wear one down. IF only there was a way to combat that, to fight it, and not let it get under your skin. That is the trick, perhaps, of surviving being a care giver, 24/7.
Question for Beacon & VIHA
IF you are sending QUALIFIED STAFF into people’s homes, as replacements, or as fill in’s, don’t you think they should be able to KNOW BEFOREHAND what their responsibilities are?
Surely there is a Patient Profile available, that they can check, to see what condition their PATIENTS ARE IN, BEFORE ARRIVING. I mean it would make sense, to provide their temporary replacements with SOME INFORMATION.
BUT I guess that is asking too much from two organizations, that have only one concern. KEEPING COSTS DOWN, MAKING MONEY OR IN THE CASE OF VIHA, MAKING THE BUDGET.
You know, it really shouldn’t matter if a person has brittle bones, or has tender skin, they should ALWAYS BE TREATED GENTILY. I mean, how else do you treat a person of 92 years of age? Why would you assume they can handle being treated like a 50 year old or a 20 year old?
Most who rely on these services, do so because they are unable to fend for themselves. Mom can’t wash herself properly, that is why they are here. Kind of makes sense that IF her mobility is limited, her use of hands are limited, that one would take care in lifting them up, in moving them.
Of course, I am assuming that the staff being sent in, is Qualified. However, going on to six months or more, I can honestly say that if these people are qualified, it isn’t for looking after the elderly, nor is it even for simply making a bed. Granted, A FEW are Qualified, like Wanda, Tracy, Yvette, and Arlene, and maybe they have others too, but not from those who have been sent here, over the last few months.
And where is VIHA on this? It is like they give out a contract, and once that is done, they seem to disappear from the scene. In fact, I wonder, do they ever check on the patients under their care, to see if the help THEY have ordered, is up to standard? Do they even check the certificates or to see if they even have any certificates? OR DO THEY JUST ACCEPT THE WORD OF BEACON OFFICIALS?
I really wonder, if Government today cares one bit about older people. Hell, I wonder if they care about any of the people, who elect them. I know that the staff that have come to our home, may have certificates of training, but I think that the majority were absent for the classes, and only showed up to collect their certificates. Either that, or they simply do not care about their patients.
IF VIHA TODAY & BEACON COMMUNITY SERVICES ARE A SIGN OF THE FUTURE IN HEALTH CARE, THEN I HOPE I PASS AWAY WITHOUT BEING UNDER THEIR CARE, I DON’T DO SUFFERING WELL.
Hadasah
Mom may have given up a lot, when we all moved from High Prairie to Edmonton, such as working with Dad, and being active in the town, but I think in some ways, she managed to find an outlet.
One of my earliest memories, is the Haddash Baazar. Mom was very active in it, and come that time of year, I remember looking forward to the big day. I mean the house would have all sorts of stuff in the basement, to be sorted, then sent out to the Baazar. It was big too, as it was in the local sports complex, but I remember the time as being when Bubbah Becky would be over a lot more, helping with baking.
And it was nice too, because while they made all those home goodies I loved, like Cinnimon Buns, Strudel even, she always managed to make me something to nibble on. Guess it is why I was never a skinny runt.
The smells were so mouth watering, and the house was always jumping with people phoning, dropping stuff off, or just showing up to help. Funny how that has all changed today, where the sense of community seems to have passed away, like so many other things. Oh sure, there is one here, but so tiny in comparison, so, well uninviting.
Maybe it is me, I don’t know, but things have changed. No more sense of real community, least not for us. I mean we dropped off a lot of stuff once, and hardly a word passed. Hardly even a notice today of when the Baazar is happening, or if it is. I miss those times, and you know, I think Mom does too.
It was like you felt you belonged, to something beyond just those immediately around you. There was that ’small town’ feeling, even in a big city like Edmonton. Everyone knew everyone, didn’t matter which Shul they went to, or if they even went, they were Jews, and came together. Today, it is like a collection of people who have little in common. Maybe I am being bitter, I don’t know, but I miss those days of going to the Baazar, of smelling all that Jewish Cooking, of hearing a thousand different voices, speaking in different languages, and yet not, because everyone was chattering away in Yiddish.
When Mom passes on, that feeling will too, because there just isn’t that sense of community anymore. Call it what you will, modern times, progression, whatever, but you know, the old time values, the old time beliefs, are dying out, as the older generation moves on to God.
Strange how ‘modernization‘ isn’t really all it is cracked up to be.
