The Looks, The Stares
Every day, every night, it happens.
I don’t know why, but it is almost as if her mind has wandered off somewhere, deep inside. It is hard to see, to cope with. I know, it is old age, and perhaps even signs of her mind slowly going. Could even be a sign of previous strokes, or ‘mini infarctions’ as the Paramedic said awhile back.
No one has talked to me about it, which is rather odd. I mean why do Doctors speak in such guarded tones? Do they expect me to fall to my knees, sobbing? Or is it their goal to try and enforce the perception that they are GODS? I know, I am sounding bitter, but really, it just makes it harder for me to cope with, the not knowing.
I haven’t a clue how to manage it, and perhaps a good discussion with the Doctor would help, but they are so distant, so apart from those in their care. It is frustrating as hell, and really, who can one talk to? David is too young, too much of a runner than a coper, so who is left?
I know I should ask the Doctor, or the Nurse, but how?
How do you broach the subject, when every part of you wants to ignore it, to not know, but you need to know. Knowledge is key, isn’t it? Still, how do you begin that kind of conversation?
The Old Ticker
Thankfully keeps on ticking.
However the changes in her blood pressure readings can be scary. Yet according to the Nurse who visited yesterday, the readings we’ve been getting are okayish. Not super but there are flashes of those, which is good news. Means the pills are working.
It does come down to tracking this stuff, and I’ve found that when I take her blood pressure, does make a difference. It is odd to see how it works, how her mood or even what she had to eat, can impact her readings.
I am soo glad I bought Excel, as it shows me at a glance, how things are. Fortunately, they are stable, and that is good news. Doesn’t make it easy at times, seeing what I perceive to be high numbers, but least its not going through the roof, like it used.
A solution may be to do readings at different times, but we’ll see.
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The Golden Compass
This was David’s choice, which we watched Wednesday night.
Unfortunately it wasn’t a good choice for Mom, and for us, was a bit slow in spots, if not down right boring.
A sort of mystical tale, which has worked well in the past for Mom, but not this particular rendition. It had some good spots in it, and the acting wasn’t bad either. Had some star quality too, but Nicole Kidman just isn’t what I call good. Was way too stiff, boring even, despite her being the villain of the piece.
Sam Elliot was also in it, and not at his best, in my view.
Still, it was okay for David, and myself, but didn’t hold Mom’s attention, which means she fidgeted. The whole purpose is to entertain her, to get her mind thinking about good things, not worrying or such.
In that mission, this video failed us.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
This was Tuesday’s video fare, and frankly I am on a roll in a picking out videos to watch.
To begin with, it even had David watching, with some enthusism. And that is a trick, but then it had some good looking guys, and did have a sort of gay theme to it. Which in itself you might wonder about, but it was the music, the action and word play that went on, that held Mom’s attention.
I have to keep in mind, that watching these videos is not for my entertainment, or Davids, and when it first started, I thought I had made a big boo boo, but that wasn’t the case. The story line kept her attention, made Mom smile, and even laugh a bit.
So again, a bit of a surprise but a good one, and another video that she can now talk about the next day, which is good.
What One Says
It may seem inconsequential, but you know, it is important on what you say, to someone who is old. Doesn’t matter who is doing the talking either, whether it is me, David, or some home worker, it matters on what you say, and how. Simple innocuous stories can lead to complications.
Example, this mornings home worker, talked about how two of her ladies, in their nineties, moved from a plush retirement home, to a government run nursing home, as their money had run out, to pay for the private facility.
The issue though, is she said that the one lady, hadn’t been informed by her son, as to the move. And now, not even an hour later, I am being bombarded with, would I do that to Mom, and if I do want to put her in a home, I need to tell her.
I HAVE NO INTENTION OF PUTTING HER IN A HOME, I JUST COULDN’T DO THAT.
And yet now, thanks to those remarks, she is going to be thinking of it, of wondering if I would do that to her. She should KNOW I wouldn’t, but at her age, she does imagine worst case scenarios.
YES, conversation is important between workers and patients, BUT (and that is a big but) it needs to be carefully thought out. You can’t bring up such things, that are too similar, such as an old lady being put into a home, by her son, when the person you are talking to, has a son looking after her. You NEED to know, it will weigh on her mind, lead to questions, to unreasonable fears.
It is why I harp so much on real training, for those being sent into People’s homes. I mean it seems harmless, but the truth is, the ramification of indiscriminate conversation can lead to not just a few awkward minutes, but weeks of worry. I am STILL dealing with the comments made by VIHA & BEACON REPS from a meeting back in September 2009. Now this comment, has only rekindled that fear, and added to it.
I know it isn’t easy, as I have to check my mouth at the door, downstairs, every morning, until I can go down after she goes to bed. Basically that means from 7am to 10pm each word I say, has to be weighed, considered, all before being uttered. AND NO, IT IS NOT EASY TO DO, BUT IT MUST BE DONE.
LEST IT SHOULD BE, IF YOU TRULY CARE ABOUT THE PERSON YOU ARE LOOKING AFTER.
