Never Ending Cycle
Not one of my better mornings, but then, no morning is a good one, or so it seems on days like today. I don’t know, if it is me, mom, david, or what, but the fight to just survive seems to always be an uphill struggle. It’s hard to be motivated, to stay calm or to even think at times.
It isn’t easy being the main care giver.
I didnt think it would be, but I never, in my darkest moments, thought it would be this tough, this emotionally draining. And yet, it is, and this is just the beginning of what will be. Only a small sample of the future, and I don’t know if I can handle it.
Self doubt is a killer, and I am filled with it, and it’s not Mom’s fault, nor is it David’s either. It rests squarely on my own shoulders, and I wonder, if I have enough strength to change, to adapt, to make it work. My work suffers, my life is empty, and yet, somehow I turn off the alarm clock, and make it upstairs, to begin what seems a hopeless effort.
Is it simply going through the motions? I wonder, and worse, I wonder if I can maintain even that. The pressures are immense, or so they seem, and I question even that. A lot of questions, and very little answers.
The cycle just never ends, does it?
Difficult or Caring?
After yesterday, it seems to me that when you care about someone, about the care they are receiving from others, you become a ‘difficult‘ client. Myself, I prefer the word “Patient” to “Client” but it makes it easier for those in power, to “CANCEL” needed services for people, without remorse, or twang of conscience.
Am I Difficult?
I suppose it depends on how you look at it. If a person cares, and refuses to accept unqualified support help, does that make them difficult, or simply caring?
If a person objects to a 92 year old being man handled, because it might cause broken bones, or other serious health injuries, such as undue stress, does that make them difficult, or simply caring?
If a person steps in, to help a 92 year old with a cast on her arm, get out of bed, into a transport chair, so she doesn’t fall flat on her face, while the worker tries to have her do it on her own, is that being difficult, or simply caring?
if a patient is being washed, and has spent the night in a pair of depends, and instead of removng the soiled undergarments, you proceed to wash them, and you step in, to have those soiled items removed, as soon as possible, is that being difficult, or simply caring?
Think about it for a second. If your job is to help clean a person, after they’ve been sleeping, does it not make more sense to remove the soiled clothing, all of it, before commencing to clean them up?
Would you like to sit in wet undergarments, soaked with your own urine and feces, while someone is slapping moisturizing lotion on your back, after pushing and pulling your body around?
Everyone has their own way to do things, but you know, there is such a thing as common sense. You do not let a person remain in soiled undergarments, clothing, for any length of time. To begin with, it irritates the skin, never mind the stress it creates for that person. When your skin isn’t in the best of shape to begin with, having it coated in urine for any added length of time, is simply irresponsible.
So am I being Difficult? Or simply caring?
Seems to me, that when you fail to even notify a patient, that you won’t be providing any service, or that it will be interrupted, you are deliberately attempting to force people to remain silent, when their are issues with the quality of care. When you CREATE a climate of uncertainty, you are adding to the stress load for the Patient, as well as for their 24/7 caregiver.
So if one objects to that, is that being difficult, or simply caring?
