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She Can See It and Hear It BUT

  • Posted on August 24, 2011 at 8:57 am

… there is no way she could have seen what she says, and very very doubtful she could have heard what she claims to have heard.

So now it gets tougher, and I haven’t a clue on how to deal with it.

She says she has seen people use our backyard to cut through to the main street. Not possible, given the blackberry bushes and David’s junk in the yard, but she insists she has seen them.  Hard to do when laying in a bed.

That was a few days ago, or perhaps longer now. My memory is starting to have things run into each other. Time is just a blur.

Last night it was noises. She couldn’t tell me what kind of noise, but then she said it was water running. Which most likely was David flushing the toilet. Then it was other noises. And through all this, she is also saying I am making her feel stupid, because I am telling her there is nothing to worry about.

So just what do you say, when someone is insistent they hear ( or see ) something, you absolutely KNOW they couldn’t have?

How do you deal with their paranoia because otherwise, they get a rotten night’s sleep, at best. And that isn’t a good thing.  Course your own sleep is rather, stressed, but that is besides the point.

It is amazing, at how they ( old people ) can fixate on something, that might not even be there. And is that a sign of something more insidious, like Dementia?   Or is it a reaction to medications?

Naturally you just can’t ignore it either. What if she really did hear something?  And then too, the whole issue of not wanting to bother you, so she uses the bell instead of the buzzer.  Now the Bell is fine, when I am upstairs or out on the balcony. You can hear it easily, even over the television ( if it was on ).   But not downstairs.

Hence the buzzer we got. Yet she won’t use it, because she thinks it is for emergencies only, but what does she think is an emergency? I mean, these are the questions that go through my head, after episodes like last night. Will she call if something serious happens to her, like hard to breathe, or something like that? Or will she not think it important, so only use the bell?

One thing is certain, there are no easy answers.

Combatting the Fixations, the Paranoia

  • Posted on August 22, 2011 at 9:21 am

Our backyard is cluttered. We have black berry bushes all around the back fence to the neighbors, and to the side. The other side is filled with ‘wifey’s’ junk.  Anyone attempting to go through that backyard, is gonna either need a Tetanus shot or at least some bandaging.  It is a jungle, with a clear spot in the center. To get to the backyard, one either goes through the back door, or attempts to make their way through the sides.  Either side is just as cluttered, and perhaps treacherous, if I was to be blunt.

Yet Mom insists that people are using our backyard to get to the main thoroughfare behind us. That also includes going through the backyard neighbors yards.

Just how does one combat that fixation?

Nothing I can say will convince her otherwise. I even showed her, by taking her up to the window so she could see for herself, and yet she insists that somehow, she has seen a myriad of people using the backyard.  Course, she was in bed at the time, the drapes were closed, and you can’t see the backyard from her bed. But no, she insists she has seen people going back and forth through the backyard.

There is no handbook for any of this, and you don’t want to argue with her either. That only makes it worse, so what does a person do?

Best I can come up with, is to reassure her that no one is using the backyard, to try and get through to her that even if someone was to get into the backyard, that between David, the Dog, and Myself, we’d know it and deal with it. No one is going to tangle with the three of us.  It pacifies her, briefly, but every few days now, it comes up in some form or another.

The most recent incidents, is that she is now certain someone is deliberately shining a flashlight in her window. So she is scared to sleep, or have the window open at night, despite the room being extremely warm and humid.

Now we do have two neighbors, that have those big floodlights, that go on when there is movement in their yards.  Well one is a yard, the other is a damn pub.  So you know that light is constantly going on and off till after 2 or 3 in the morning.  In addition, car headlights can flash through. I get that in my own bedroom, which is directly under Mom’s. 

So part of the fixation is based on reality, but nothing I can say will convince her that it isn’t some deliberate person, trying to break in. It makes her stay awake needlessly, and adds stress to her already stressed life.

At the moment, the only solution I can think of, is that I’ll have to figure out a way to move upstairs, and be there for the early parts of the evening, so she will feel re-assured that she is safe. That in turn should allow her to fall asleep sooner, and take away the fear she is having now.  Problem is, that means I wind up with a great deal less sleep, and that isn’t going to help her in the long term.

Only way to avoid that, is to actually make the small room into my bedroom, which means a smaller bed, and all that goes with moving upstairs. It adds to the disconnect between me and David, but the issue is, eventually it will have to be that way. I can see it now, coming, or is it already here?

Lights in the Window

  • Posted on June 28, 2010 at 9:01 am

Another of those nights, where she claims to have seen someone in the backyard, flashing a light up into the window. Her imagination is getting good, but truth is, no one was in the backyard.  At worse it was the idiot behind us, driving into his driveway and the headlights played across the window.

Still it gnaws at her, makes her think someone is there. Told her she should call me, but her answer is that you never know who these people are, and it could be dangerous. Like I’d confront them? Nope, I’d call the cops, and yet she won’t buzz me.

It is hard to come up with the right response, especially first thing in the morning, when you haven’t had your coffee yet. But then, that is part of caregiving, being on your toes at an instant’s notice, to handle a situation.

You have to reassure her, to keep her calm or it’ll fester all day and worse, into the night and next day.  This isn’t easy and I am running out of answers.

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