My Mother's Life

Let’s Talk Home Support

Personal Opinion by Ian Kovnats

Copyright © 2009 ◊ All Rights Reserved

 

You know, it isn’t an easy job, to go into stranger’s homes, to help a person that is generally unable to help themselves. Usually it is because of an injury, or an accident, that sends you, a worker, into a person’s home to do things, that really one isn’t thrilled about doing. I mean I don’t know too many who enjoy emptying a potty, or wiping a person’s behind from poop, so the job is not what you would call glamorous, now is it?

 

And yet, at the same time it is rewarding. I mean to see someone who is in pain, who is weak and basically helpless, suddenly become strong again, is pleasing. More so, when you think that you had some small part in that recovery.

 

Of course there is the other side of this coin, which is when the person you go to help, is elderly. Oh sure, you might ease them through a crisis, but inside, you know there is going to be another crisis, and one after that too, until eventually your services are no longer needed, because the client has moved on. And I don’t mean to another agency.

 

Not easy is it?

 

Yet at the same time, due to time constraints, due to scheduling quirks, maybe you don’t get to know the client, or have time to even think much about their condition. Perhaps they are too busy whining, or maybe just after you have helped them get dressed, they suddenly have a bowel movement. It is frustrating, isn’t it?

 

I mean there you are, for about 50 minutes to do an assigned set of tasks, and with 40 minutes gone, you basically need to start all over again. Difficult doesn’t begin to cover it, does it? Yet, if you think about it, you are simply seeing a small glimpse into what the real caregiver is dealing with. Oh, you may do it for an eight hour shift, you may have several different types of clients who will be rude to you, or try to be un co-operative, but then, you are there for an hour or two, or maybe even four hours.

 

At least you get to go home.

 

I, for one, can understand how it can be annoying, how it can be distasteful even. I mean the smells alone can drive you to want to throw up, and when people are older, in the twilight of their lives, it just seems like the smells, the sounds they make, are grating on the nerves. Easy it isn’t, and yet there are compensations, besides the pay or perks that one gets from this type of job.

 

Sure, the pay may not be super fantastic, but it beats minimum wage, and the conditions are different, with each different client, and that adds variety to the job, and yet, it doesn’t quite help make those smells any easier to cope with, does it? It doesn’t begin to cover the feeling of annoyance, when a person takes an eternity to simply stand up, to move a few feet, to stand while you wash their private parts. To removed the caked on poop, or to clean off the dried urine.

 

What is paid, just doesn’t seem enough, does it? And never mind how many never say thank you, or never even smile. Then too, there is the ever vigilant care giver, hovering around. Some simply disappear for the time you are there, offering no help, no insight into what or how, to deal with that drooling old person. You do get to feel a bit annoyed, as in the back of your mind is that clock, ticking, telling you time to get finished, time to clock out, to move on to the next doddering old person, with more poop, more repugnant odors emanating from their wrinkled skin.

 

Old people have to be the worse, don’t they? After all, they can be so demanding, so in need of help, that even fifty minutes can seem like a drop in the bucket, or for you, an eternity. Not worth the bucks paid, the hassle of phoning in, phoning out, then battling traffic to go to the next person, to do it all over again, and again. Yet it does help pay the bills, doesn’t it? Helps buy the groceries, and maybe even put aside some for when you too, will be one of those old people. Course you will be different, won’t you?

 

You’ll understand better, when your shoulder is squeezed, causing you intense pain, that it is simply due to the worker being in a rush, due to their focus being on finishing up and moving on to the next person. You’ll take it in stride, bite your lip, as they show their disgust, at your having to have a bowel movement, in that clean new nightshirt they just wrangled over your shaking arms.

 

It won’t bother you, that for 80 odd years or more, you managed to wipe your own tushie, but now need some stranger to do it, because your wrist is broken, not from some ski accident, but from simply falling onto a carpet.  It won’t upset you either, because you will understand, how their noses turn up, or how the face leering at you is different every day, because someone in an office, can’t figure out how to schedule workers. I mean you dealt with that, right? You had to see those old people, with fear in their eyes, as you walked into their home, to help clean them, so you know, it is baseless, right?

 

You know that maybe taking an extra moment to smile, was unimportant, or that taking time to read a care plan, was just a waste, as you listen to yourself explain for the umpteenth time, to the umpteenth new worker, sent to you, what it is that you need done, right? It isn’t frustrating to you now, because, well, you were on the other side, so you know how it works. You know, that having the same worker, (or same client back then) isn’t all that important. I mean, isn’t part of it about meeting new people, even if is to help wipe your bum, or clean your teeth?

You see, today it is just a job, and at some point in time, it will be your turn. Makes no difference if you are the one scheduling the workers, or handling the task of seeing that the time spent is all accounted for, or if you are the one on the front lines, doing all those menial tasks. So what if the commode didn’t get cleaned out, because well the full time caregiver is there, and not like they can’t do it, right?

 

Doesn’t matter if you rush that 92 year old, to stand up, and make them nervous and feel harried. After all, it’ll pass in a few minutes, once you have left, right? Of course, you are long gone, so maybe you don’t know that you set the tone for the day, for that old person. Maybe you haven’t thought much about how they will be on edge for hours, how their heart will race longer, because it takes them a lot longer to catch their breath, to let their mind settle the frazzled nerves. Not to worry though, after all when you are their age, and your replacement comes to help you, you’ll find out how it can last the whole day. But again, not to worry, your full time caregiver will talk you out of it, will calm your nerves, even if it takes them all day, so not a problem, right?

 

I mean why worry if you didn’t report that small red spot on their backside, or the one under their arm? After all, they are old, right? Besides that, you are probably not going to see them anytime soon, given how the scheduling has you running from this one to that one, rarely the same person in a row, unless someone screwed up, and actually scheduled things the right way. Then maybe you’d know that they have brittle bones, so you won’t grasp them by the shoulder, maybe you’ll know they take drugs that causes them to bruise easily, and bleed internally at the drop of a pin. But not to worry, because it is all listed in the home care plan, that you studied before visiting, right?

 

So what if they seem odd, I mean when you get to be their age, you’ll want to go to bed at 7pm every night, not stay up and watch a video, or just visit with your family. You won’t mind them dropping you into that transport chair, or that they’ll forget to put the foot rests out, so your feet don’t catch on the carpet as they wheel you out to the living room. I mean, you didn’t mind when you did it for your clients, so why should you mind when you become the client?  Course, maybe you’ll be lucky, and not need to call in Home Support, because your family will do all that for you.

 

Maybe it’ll be your son or daughter, who’ll give up their own lives, to take care of you, in your old age. Like you did it for them, when you gave birth to them, right? So naturally, they’ll return the favor. It won’t matter that they’ll spent 14 or 18 hours a day, every single day, taking care of you, because well, you did wipe their bums when born, you did go to all those old people’s home, to help educate them, to help fund their school ski trips, so naturally, they’ll turn their lives inside out, to take care of you, when you get old, unable to care for yourself. Or maybe they’ll put you into one of those assisted care homes, where you have even less control over your life, than if you were some family pet?

 

I mean, they will know that you have arthritis, that every joint in your body aches, is in constant pain, so when they come to lift you up, they’ll wait, until your manage to move the leg a small step forward, then wait again, as you move the other leg. They’ll understand how each step is pure agony, unlike some stranger, some home support worker that has to rush off, to go to the next client. After all, it is just a job to them, right, just as it was for you, back when you could brush your own teeth, when you could just get into your car and drive off, to grab a burger, or even visit the doctor.

 

You will understand, when you are in your eighties, or nineties, that those who come to help you, can’t become attached, because it is just too hard to get close to someone you see maybe every few weeks. So, you weren’t as gentle as you could be, not your fault, because no one told you that, and unless you are told, well, you can’t be expected to know it all, right? I mean, you aren’t that old yet, so how do you know that going slow, that letting the client set the pace, is going to actually make your job easier, as no one told you, right? Besides, you got all those other people to see, so you can’t waste time, and when they scheduled your appointments, the powers that be, took that into account. Right? Course you can’t take the extra second or two, because by the end of fifty minutes, you may have wasted a whole two extra minutes, and that adds up, right?

 

Not like you knew all that, when you signed up for the job, right? I mean no one told you that it involved cleaning up poop, or wiping feces from between a person’s cheeks, right? Not like they explained how you had to brush their teeth, or that putting lotion all over their body, meant not just the arms or legs.  Wasn’t like anyone showed you how to lift up a person, so as to not crush their fragile bones, because, gee, you pick your kids up without hurting them, right? It was not mentioned that some medications, medical conditions, cause reactions, that should be watched, and mentioned. It isn’t like that yellow book is for anything but writing down that you did the task assigned, or that calling in to the office is enough, because well, it doesn’t go further, now does it? Oh wait, you don’t know, do you, so again, not something to worry about. Besides, why bother the regular caregiver with all those details, because they should already know about it, right?

 

Course, being one of those who provides home support, isn’t easy. You did know that when you took that course, when you decided to become a home support worker, so it isn’t a surprise, now is it? And besides, it is only for an hour or two per person. So what’s the big deal, right?

 

After all, you do get to go home, to watch television if you want, to go out and shop for hours, if you wish, not like you have to rush home to change some depends on anyone now, you are off duty, your job is done for the day. Maybe you did put in a ten hour day, but hey, you got overtime pay, so it was okay, and now, well you can have a drink of wine, kick the shoes off, and not have to smell urine, smell poop, at least until your next work day, right? And then too, you do have that vacation coming up, and the 2 days off each week, well, they helped, but a few weeks basking in the sun, or shushing down some ski slope, well help remove that scent from your nostrils, that old person smell, right?

 

You don’t have to worry, because well the regular full time caregiver, they aren’t taking any weekends off, or grabbing a few weeks going somewhere, least not right now. Oh eventually they will get those weekends, those weeks to go somewhere, because, well old people, they don’t hang around long, do they? And not like that is your fault either, because well, they could dump the person off into one of those assisted care facilities,  Then too, they could have you come stay longer, or someone they have never met, because, isn’t that what is done? It is easy, right, to entrust into some stranger, the care of someone special to them, like a mother or father, because, well, that’s what your family will do, and you won’t object, will you?

 

Besides, it is just a job, and a way for the Government to save some money, for some corporate entity to make a few bucks, and let’s be honest, it is only old people, and like, well, gee, they aren’t important are they? Course, maybe when it’s your turn, you just might think differently, but then, you are now in that system, so you’ll understand, right?

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